Subtleness
by C for Do Dur
Summary: "You're keeping me awake, talking about stuff I don't care about… just to tell me something I already know?" Rin's head shot up, eyes widening as his mind processed Sousuke's words. "You– You know– What?" The topic was important for Rin, and he had carefully planned that conversation, but the world didn't seem too eager to cooperate with him.


_Free!_ does not belong to me. Neither does _High Speed!_

* * *

_**Subtleness**_

.

Rin hadn't meant to say it like that.

In his mind, the topic would be brought up tactfully, after talking about other minor issues and try to prepare Sousuke for what was to come. In that beautiful scenario that his imagination had made up, he would start by talking about what every single student in Samezuka had been gossiping about for the last two days and casually wanting to know Sousuke's thoughts about it. Or by commenting his friends' misunderstanding from nearly a week ago, when they thought Rei was in a relationship with the captain of the track team.

It _wasn't_ that Rin was afraid of what his best friend would think about him _(well, maybe a bit)_. He was very comfortable with himself, thank you very much _(but he wasn't so comfortable with the idea of being left alone because of that)_. If Sousuke didn't like it, it wasn't Rin's problem and Rin absolutely wouldn't mind it.

_At all._

He had planned the whole conversation because… well, just, you know, to test the waters.

_(The truth is that Rin was terrified)_

His elaborated plans were mercilessly crushed when his mouth forgot to obey him and moved on its own will.

"Don't you think it's strange?"

A grumble came from the top bunk. Rin realized then he had been plotting this whole 'important friendship moment' for a little too long.

"Rin," Sousuke growled, and he sounded like he was about to kill something (not that Rin thought he would; Sousuke wasn't able to hurt a fly). "I'm trying to sleep."

"Sorry," Rin replied. "Well, now you're awake."

_Damn it, shut up already, what did make you think this is a good idea, now you'll have to tell him or make something up._

"You know about Yamada and Hashimoto, don't you?"

Sousuke snorted. _Of course he knows._

"Rin, it's half past one and tomorrow we have an exam. Do you need to gossip about it _right now_?"

Rin felt his cheeks heating up. He hugged his pillow tighter.

"I'm not gossiping. I'm just asking your opinion."

_And please don't talk about nature or tradition._

Sousuke took his time to answer. He was silent for seconds, minutes, and if Rin hadn't been looking at the alarm clock he would have thought his friend didn't say anything for hours. His face was no longer red; he had paled, and he felt dizzy even if he was laying on the bed. Rin felt the sudden urge to tell Sousuke that he didn't want to know what he thought and he could sleep and forget the whole conversation.

He fought with that idea for a little while, but before he could make up his mind his best friend decided to speak:

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Huh?" Rin blinked, confused.

"What-am-I-supposed-to-say," Sousuke repeated, slowly, as if he was talking to a little child. "Those two are old enough to do whatever they want and I honestly don't mind… What do you want me to say, Rin?"

_That you don't care. That you won't think any less of me. That you won't try to make me change my mind._

A part of Rin was sure Sousuke was being oblivious on purpose.

"I- " he started, but he didn't know what else to say. _Why is he being so difficult?_ "But they're two guys," he managed to whisper, so quietly that he doubted Sousuke had heard him.

Sousuke snorted again. "Of course they're two guys. There are no girls in Samezuka, in case you haven't realized it yet."

Rin burrowed his face into his pillow.

"But… It seems like you don't mind," he said to the pillowcase.

There was movement on the top bunk, and Rin looked up out of curiosity. Sousuke's face was hanging from the mattress, his expression serious and his eyes smiling.

"Maybe it's because I don't mind."

_Liar._

Rin sat up, feeling his cheeks hot again, and forced himself to keep looking into his friend's eyes.

"You don't…" He realized what he was going to say midway through the sentence, but Rin didn't want to chicken out now. "You say you don't mind them. But it's obvious –you don't know them. If I… Would you still think this way if it was something you know…? If it was me?

Rin was sure embarrassment would kill him when Sousuke's eyes widened briefly at his question. He couldn't keep looking at him, so he stared at his pillow instead, fiddling with the blanket. He felt Sousuke's eyes fixed on him, though, and wanted to tell him to look away, but couldn't find his voice.

"So…" Sousuke started. He paused for two seconds.

Three.

Four.

Fiv–

"You're keeping me awake, talking about stuff I don't care about… just to tell me something I already know?"

Rin's head shot up, eyes widening as his mind processed Sousuke's words.

"You– You know– What?" he stammered, tripping over his own words. Rin took deep breaths. "You know I'm…?"

"An idiot? Yeah, it's kind of obvious, you know."

Despite the mild insult, Sousuke was smiling. However, Rin was far from calming down.

"I'm not talking about–"

"I know," Sousuke cut him off. "And just so you know, it has never mattered to me."

_Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you._

Rin bit his lower lip.

"Really?" Sousuke nodded. "I've met people who… don't like it."

"That's their problem, not yours," Sousuke replied, and his face disappeared as he laid on his back. "Can I sleep now?"

"Yeah," Rin whispered. His voice trembled with relief. "Sorry for keeping you awake."

Sousuke yawned.

"It's okay. Good night."

_Too easy… Aren't you going to tell me about how much you like girls? And about how I won't have children with the one I love?_

As he laid back on the bed, hugging his pillow, Rin listened to the too louds beats of his heart, to his shaky breaths mixing with Sousuke's deep ones in the silent room.

He wanted to do everything but sleep. He wanted to run for hours, to laugh until he was out of breath, to cry until he had no tears left, because he hadn't felt so relieved in a long time. How many years had he been forcing himself to stop thinking about things he wasn't supposed to think? When had he realized that there was a difference between admiration and something more? Rin still remembered how scared he had been when he found out that his partners in Australia had beaten a boy up just because he happened to fancy his classmate, how he had cried all night like he was the one wounded, afraid that he might be the next one.

"Hey, Rin." Sousuke's voice stopped Rin from keep thinking about everything he feared.

"What?"

"I don't think he minds."

Rin knew he was digging his own grave when he replied: "Who?"

"Nanase, of course."

_How do you know it can't be that clear we're just friends and anyway I don't even know if he likes something other than water please don't be ridiculous._

"Nana– Haru?" Rin let out a nervous laugh. "Why would you think that?"

"I'm not neither stupid nor blind, Rin. And you are way too obvious."

Rin should have replied sharply, and if Sousuke teased him again in the morning he would drown his friend in the pool without a doubt, but right now Rin felt so incredibly _light_ that he wasn't even bothered.

_He's acting the same. He is really okay with it._

Sousuke didn't care. And even if he was the only one that knew, for now, for Rin, it was enough.

* * *

_Author's notes_: So... I've been thinking about this for a long time. However, I didn't realize how badly I needed to write this until I read something aelle1209 posted on tumblr about Rin's sexual orientation. And while I didn't dig that deep, I was pretty glad to find out someone else had realized some of the things I would otherwise think it's just me with shipping goggles on, so, after getting to know Sousuke better after the fourth episode of ES, I ended up with this.

So... what do you think about it?


End file.
